Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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