I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
