seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need moral support for this bender
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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