If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
