Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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