Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My hand turned me down
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
