Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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