I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
