I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
