Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
