Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
