Heybabeimwearingurpanties
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
