i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
