the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
