all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
