I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
