I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
