Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
