wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
