I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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