when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
