Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
