if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
