ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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