I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
