We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
