we have pet lesbian snakes
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
