What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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