the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
