All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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