No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I have post one night stand depression
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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