if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
