who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
