i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
