Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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