Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you never un-have a 4some
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
