I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
worst night to have a conscience
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
