do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
