When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
