You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
