the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
