I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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