I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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