If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
