she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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