I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
