a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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