the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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