Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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