you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
