best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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