The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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