I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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