I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
