I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Two words: blizzard sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
last night I used snow as a chaser
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
