I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
