You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
