Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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