My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
