Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
