I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
